


A Tentacle Cat Princess for Christmas

by TheHopeyMage



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Christmas, Earth C (Homestuck), F/F, Girlboss x Girlboss, Hallmarkstuck, Hallmarkstuck?, Inspired by Hallmark Christmas Movies, top ten fucked up and catholic Calliope moments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:27:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28254624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheHopeyMage/pseuds/TheHopeyMage
Summary: A young woman travels to Midnight City to stay in a beautiful bar for the holidays at the invitation of a horny catgirl, and finds herself falling for a dashing princess.
Relationships: Jane Crocker/Jasprosesprite
Kudos: 8
Collections: The JaneJasprose Jam!





	1. A Tentacle Cat Princess for Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> Art by DualspadedAce on Youtube and Gabmire on Instagram.


	2. prelude to presents.

it was the night before twelfth pedigrees eve.   
AND ALL AROUND EARTH C. THERE WERE MISERABLE WELPS!!   
gathered around decorated trees.   
TOO FOOLISH WERE ANY OF THEM TO UNDERSTAND.   
that one person, held up in their office…   
WAS TOO BUSY FAILING TO CLING TO THE SMALL AMOUNT OF POWER SHE HAD TO REALISE IT WAS A FUCKING HOLIDAY.   
that didn’t rhyme at all.   
I THOUGHT IT WAS YOU WHO WAS THE ONE WHOS RHYMING. I HATE RHYMING.   
i am not going to validate this argument with any further discussion.   
UGH, YOU ARE SUCH A MISERABLE BITCH. DO YOU KNOW THAT? YOU MUST. FOR IT IS A FACT THAT ENCOMPASES YOUR ENTIRE BEING. I HATE DOING THIS AND I HATE YOU.   
it is tradition that once in every eleven millennia those who were once one would reconvene and create something together. historically this could be a society to raise or raze a planet, but for us it is a story.   
THIS STORY REALLY ENCOMPASES THE “CHRISTMAS TRADITION”. SPECIFICALLY, THE ONE ABOUT BEING FORCED INTO ROOMS WITH “FAMILY” MEMBERS WHO YOU FUCKING DESPISE.   
we found an agreement that worked to facilitate the continuation of this tradition. i am not allowed to comment on how awful his storytelling is.   
AND I AM NOT ALLOWED TO COMMENT ON THE WEIGHT OF EITHER OF THESE WENCHES. WHICH BY THE POWER OF ME SAYING THAT RIGHT NOW. CAN COMPLY WHAT I THINK ABOUT THE WEIGHT OF BOTH OF THESE CRUDE WHORES.   
the word is imply. not comply.   
I SAID WHAT I MEANT!! EVER HEARD OF DOUBLE FUCKING MEANINGS? WHOS STORY TELLING SKILLS ARE TRASH NOW. “””SISTER”””!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!   
that doesn’t even make sense as a double meaning, but getting into that would be a waste of time.   
EVERYTHING YOU DO IS A WASTE OF TIME!! YOU, SISTER, ARE HORRIBLE AT TIME, WHICH IS WHY I AM BETTER THAN YOU. HONESTLY I HAVE NO IDEA HOW YOU EVER DEFEATED ANOTHER VERSION OF ME! WITH YOUR WEAKNESS AND COWERDACE I BET YOU JUST GOT SOMEONE ELSE TO DO IT FOR YOU!!   
that is also what you did.   
WHAT THE FUCK EVER!!!! TALK ABOUT FUCKING CHRISTMAS SO WE CAN GET ON WITH THIS STUPID PROJECT.   
i find myself quite fond of christmas. it is a holiday which is quite well suited to cherubs. it is a celebration full of joy and life. a celebration of meat and flesh.   
AND PLENTY OF CHRISTMAS PAIN! BEING FORED INTO ROOMS. WITH HORRIBLE PEOPLE YOU HATE AND ARE RELATED TO. ATTEMPTING TO IGNORE THE BEAUTIFUL WORLDWIDE VIOLENCE THAT CRUSHES YOUR FEEBLE UNCONCIOUS. AND LOTS. AND LOTS. OF CANDY.   
our story begins on the paradise planet of earth c. specifically the human kingdom, where snow falls upon the city streets. the human kingdom is much like all of earth c. it is very clean, and very proper. much like jane crocker.   
JANE CROCKER AND HER COHORT ARE FAAAAAAAR FROM CLEAN AND PROPER. ESPECIALLY WITH THEIR SALACIOUS “WOMAN ON WOMAN RELATIONSHIP”. THE MERE THOUGHT OF WHAT THOSE TWO GET UP TO IS ENOUGH TO MAKE MY SKELETON SHUTTER.   
that statement was simply too putrid to ignore. now that it has been recognized, i would like to start ignoring it. i urge the reader to do the same.   
OUR STORY TAKES PLACE AFTER THE MAIN BITCH IN QUESTION, JANE CROCKER, HAD SECLUDED HERSELF FROM ALL HER FRIENDS AND FAMILY, BECAUSE THEY ALL REALISED WHAT A HORRIBLE PIECE OF SHIT SHE WAS! AS THEY SHOULD HAVE.   
but that’s not where we find ourselves.   
NO. AT THIS POINT IN THE STORY JANE IS ATTEMPTING TO DO WHAT WE IN THE BUSINESS CALL A ”REDEMPTION ARC”, WHERE SHE BECOMES A BETTER PERSON. SHE IS ATTEMPTING TO CONTINUE THIS CHARADE BY SHRINKING HER BUSINESS AS TO NOT HAVE COMPLETE DOMINATION OVER THE PLANET. THIS SENTIMATE IS OBVIOUSLY A CHOICE EXAMPLE OF WHY WOMEN SHOULD NOT BE IN POWER. WHERE’S THE POWER HUNGER, HMM??? I DON’T SEE IT HERE!! WHY AFTER WORKING SO HARD WOULD SHE LET GO OF ALL HER POWER!!!!!! IT MAKES ME SICK TO MY ORGANS.   
love. love, a concept quite alien to us cherubs, would be the motivator to find a more peaceful life on earth c, free of the constant conquest. love for her friends and family of course, but also a new love, for a god of fortune turned sprite. this love would inspire her to let go of her grip on so much of earth c. but downgrading a company like crockercorp takes a lot of work, just like maintaining it did. so, despite the holiday, and all her friends celebrating, jane crocker is working tirelessly in her office, signing documents and scheduling meetings.   
THIS MORON DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO HAVE A GOOD TIME OR GET HER HEAD OUT OF HER ASS OF INDETERMINANT SIZE. AND SO HER PARTNER SCALES THE BUILDING THAT JANE RESIDES IN, TO PRESENT TO HER THE TITULAR, “A TENTACLE CAT PRINCESS FOR CHRISTMAS”. THAT CAT PRINCESS BEING HERSELF, JASPROSESPRITE.   
yes, it would be horrible if the audience put that one together themselves. thank god it got explained for them. how else would they know who the title referred to?   
I KNOW, I’M PRACTICALLY A FUCKING SAINT.   
and so, with all the pieces in place, this story can unfold. i can assure you, this story will contain plenty of christmas cheer.   
AND PLENTY OF BITCHES. 


	3. Bah Humbug

Snowflakes fall outside Jane's window as she tends to her paperwork. She lit a scented candle in hopes to make the stale environment a little more festive. By candlelight, she types at her keyboard and writes notes on what must be done. Despite the occasion, she has dedicated her night to scheduling and paperwork. She sighs and leans back in her chair. Jane shuts her eyes for a moment. She has been staring at a screen for far too long. She opens her eyes and gazes upon hours of incredibly boring work. She isn’t even a third the way done. She places her head in her hands and groans. She is trying and failing to steel herself for the next coming hours of work. Just then, the room is lit up purple and pink.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Hey honeypie! How’s the paperwork?   
JANE: You know how it’s going. It’s going slow. Slow and boring. What do you want?  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Sheesh! What are you being so cold for sweet cheeks?  
JANE: Sorry, I’m just frustrated… There is a lot of work to do, and I really need to focus right now.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Hmmmm.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before, but I really like that cyan power suit. Bright colors look very good on you ;3.  
JANE: Goodness… like I said not one second ago, I really need to focus right now.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: And what could paw-ssibly be more important than your girlfriend coming into your office late at night unannounced?  
JANE: I have given myself the task of smoothly downgrading Crockercorp as to not cause Earth C’s economy to totally collapse. THEN Dave would have something to complain about, hoohoo!  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Fair enough. Are you planning on going to the party?  
JANE: No, I have far too much to do. I appreciate the visit, but I really must go back to my work.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Janeypoo, there’s a celebration to go to! This is how you spent yesterday AND the day before that. You are the CEO of this company; you can give yourself a day off.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: You shouldn’t be cooped up in here when all your friends are celebrating the holidays!  
JANE: I’m going to be honest dear, I don’t particularly care for this celebration. And I promise I am not isolating myself; I just went to one of their get-togethers last week and I have been showing up to group events. The only thing that makes this one special is that It’s Christmas. And I just don’t care for Christmas.  
JANE: It’s just a way to push products on people. Take it from me, I’m the one who pushed products on people my whole adult life.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I don’t care about Christmas either, I’m Jewish. Christmas isn’t the point; it’s enjoying the season with your friends and family.  
JANE: Whatever.

Jasprose can see that she isn’t getting through to her girlfriend here. Man, Janes whole heart is being poured into fixing Crockercorp, but even she needs a break! Jasprose glows, the snowflakes outside sparkling pink and purple as they fall. She floats on over to Janes desk, gives her love a sultry look, then knocks a cup onto the ground. Jane glares at her.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Jane  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Janey  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Janeypoo  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I was hoping to distract you with some fun office sex or something but if I’m being honest, I think you need some fresh air.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Let’s go for a walk.

Jane sighs loudly. She does need fresh air. Her girlfriend is very good at noticing things like that. Although maybe that’s Seer powers rather than intuition based on knowing Jane well. Jane looks at Jasprose. She smiles back at Jane sweetly. Jane sighs again, this time because she knows she’s giving in, and that is always frustrating. Jane gets up and grabs her coat.

JANE: Fine.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yissss.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I love those suit pants by the way. They make your ass look great :3.

Jane just laughs. They could always just fly out of a window but that defeats the point of going on a walk. So, down the elevator they go, heading out of the lobby into the brightly decorated winter city. The lobby, unlike Jane’s office, is brightly decorated, red and green lights lining almost every surface. Jane sighs again, this time just to see her breath in the cold air.

JANE: Okay, fine.  
JANE: You might have been right about me needing a break.  
JANE: But after this walk I’m heading right back!  
JANE: I can’t get too far behind…  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I’ll take that as a win, even though I’m right that you need to take the night off too.  
JANE: Pfft.  
JANE: Sure.

The two of them walk down the snowy sidewalk. Well, Jane walks and Jasprose floats idly alongside her, reaching her paw over her shoulder. 

JASPROSESPRITE^2: How are you feeling hon? Not too bad, I hope.  
JANE: All things considered I’m alright.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: That’s good. How’s the baking work going?  
JANE: I would hardly even call myself a baker anymore. Although I have been doing some experimenting in the kitchen. It’s a good change of pace. Plus, if I want Crockercorp to have any feet to stand on I need more innovative recipes.  
JANE: I admit, even I need a break sometimes, and that kind of break just so happens to also be productive.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: This still somehow wraps around to you not getting a break.  
JANE: No, baking doesn’t count, I like baking!  
JANE: And I stick by what I said earlier. This season doesn’t really mean any more than any other day.  
JANE: I have been doing well to not avoid my social life, I think It’s fine if I have a few workdays here and there…  
JANE: Or work weeks.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Or work months?  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: And the work month you have happened to choose in this moment is the one where all your friends are getting together and having fun during the darkest and most depressing season on earth c.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: And this is also definitely not an isolationist tendency.  
JANE: … yes.  
JANE: I don’t have to justify myself to you!  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Fair enough…  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: You know what, I think we need a change of scenery. 

Jasprose summons a pink window to cross through. Jane rolls her eyes.

JANE: Well… Alright, I suppose it can’t hurt.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: That’s the spirit!

The two of them hop through the portal.


	4. Into Wonderland

The snow falls on the dark streets of Midnight City. A neon sign fills up the alleyway with light, as does its ambient hum. The two ladies’ feet land gently on the ground, snow crunching underneath them as they begin to walk. 

JANE: How have you been today?   
JANE: I am always so curious what you get up to when we aren’t spending time together.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Oh, the usual feline themed activities. Namely, I took a wonderful nap before I came to visit you.   
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I’d ask you back how your day has been but I already know the answer to that.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Which, by the way, I’m not done having that whole conversation regarding you isolating yourself from your friends again. 

Jane sighs dramatically. Jasprose decides to drop it for a little while and the two of them simply stroll along the dim walkway and enjoy the time together. The starry sky, for as light polluted as the city is, is vibrant and beautiful. Jane holds Jasprose’s hand with her mitten and the two of them share a sweet look with each other. 

As they continue walking Jane indulges in her detective themed interests, taking note of every detail from the Problem Sleuth universe they find. They even notice Ace Dick crossing the street. Jane has never seen a celebrity before, at least not before becoming one herself, so this was about as close as she has ever gotten to that. Before they know it, Jane and Jasprose are laughing and sharing stories with each other long into the night. Eventually, they fall into another silence. This time, both of them are smiling, just enjoying the sound of the gentle wind. Jane breaks the silence. 

JANE: Okay, so what if I’m isolating? It’s one week out of the entire year. And despite what you might think I AM actually busy.   
JASPROSESPRITE^2: You picking now of all times to head back into your work cave only makes me more suspicious!  
JANE: Well…  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Oh hey!! It’s that bar I took you to that one time. Should we step inside and relive a few memories?  
JANE: Hm. It is quite cold. Sure! 

They are quite cold, so they head inside. It’s a lot less active than it was when they first visited it. A lot quieter… a phonograph plays where a piano man should be. 

AND THEN THE RECORD SCRATCHES! IN ORDER TO INDICATE A SUDDEN AND JARRING SHIFT IN ATTENTION.   
what in paradox space could you possibly be doing this for.  
ARE WE JUST GOING TO SKIP OVER THE FACT THAT JASPROSESPRITE CAN JUST? MAKE PORTALS THAT LEAD TO OTHER FUCKING REALITIES?  
i don’t see what the problem is  
SINCE WHEN CAN SHE DO THAT? IS THAT A SPRITE THING? THAT IS FUCKING STUPID. THIS STORY IS HEADING DANGEROUSLY IN THE DIRECTION OF BEING FUCKING STUPID.  
are you asking for an explanation? i can give you that. however, i am doubtful you will listen to me if i did.   
DO YOUR WORST. WHICH IS TYPICALLY WHAT YOU DO!! HAHAHAHAHA.  
i don’t know why you are so cocky, in my reality i killed you.  
BECAUSE IN MY REALITY, I KILLED YOU!! ALSO, YOUR STORY WAS TRASH AND MINE WAS GREAT. SO CASE CLOSED!   
what an absolutely moronic justification for your hubris. not that i would expect much else out of you. despite this, i will explain. sprites^2 are named for the magnitude at which they extend the typical sprites knowledge and capabilities. for any default sprite this extends their knowledge of the session to that outside their session, allowing players who are sprites^2 to understand the ultimate self. it also makes them more material than a typical sprite, as you can see with them having a less ghostly figure.   
WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH REALITY HOPPING?  
i’m getting to that. sprites^2 also extend the abilities of what was spirited. for jasprose, a seer of light, she at her most powerful could see all realities, shedding light on all information. she could see everywhere. And what is the most natural extension beyond being able to see everything if not to be able to step past the looking glass into everything. thus, allowing her to go wherever she can comprehend.  
…  
what  
THAT’S WEAK.  
no, it isn’t. it makes sense.  
IT MAKES SHIT FOR SENSE. THAT IS TO SAY NONE.   
i will admit it isn’t the most solid explanation but it is perfectly serviceable as a reason for why jasproseprite^2 can do that.  
BULL. SHIT.   
i am tiring of this conversation. let’s return to the story.  
I WILL ALLOW THIS, ON ACCOUNT OF ALSO FINDING YOU OBNOXIOUS.  
excellent.

It’s a lot less active in the bar than it was when they first visited it. A lot quieter… a phonograph plays where a piano man should be. The two of them sit at a table next to a window.

JANE: It’s quite mellow in here don’t you think?  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Mhm.  
JANE: I’m quite alright with it, I’m a bit too tired for dancing right now hoohoohoo.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: You know, there might be a reason the bar is quite right now.  
JANE: Are you planning on turning this into more banging me over the head with the fact that I should be wasting time with my peers rather than working?  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: There will be plenty of time for banging you later.  
JANE: Jeez Jasprose.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: You walked into that one. Purposefully, if my guess is right.   
JANE: Anywho.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I would suspect that no one is at this bar because they are celebrating with their families.   
JANE: Oh brother…  
JANE: Maybe! How is that any of MY business?  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Oh Jane. Janey. Always so concerned with the scope of your business.  
JANE: Groan.   
JASPROSESPRITE^2:  
JANE:  
JASPROSESPRITE^2:  
JANE: …  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I’m getting us some drinks!  
JANE: Alrighty. 

Jane stares out the window. The snow gently floats down onto a street lit only by one street lamp. There’s something so dark about it, just as brooding as it is when it’s raining here, just… Quieter. Softer. Gentle darkness, slowly packing down on top of the town, creating a thick layer of weight on everything. Jane sighs as her head sinks into her hands. She is so exhausted. The truth is, she hates doing it. All of the business stuff. She USED to love it, but it has just become such a negative influence on her life… She didn’t notice it until she had some positive influences. She could easily hire someone to do what she is doing for her. It would take no time or effort. She could even let whoever she hired do it after the holiday. It all really isn’t anything that can’t wait… She needs a drink.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: I’m back!!  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Here, drink a martini.   
JANE: Gladly.

The two women chat absentmindedly. About nothing much at all. Their favorite shows that are updating, books they have read, mysteries they have solved… But all the while Jasprose senses that Jane is avoiding something… avoiding that she has already realized that Jasprose was right. As much as she loves to tease her girlfriend, Jasprose chooses not to acknowledge this victory. 

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Hey babe.  
JANE: Hm?  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Want to go home?  
JANE: Yeah… Yeah, I do.   
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Alright. Let’s go home. 

Jasprose opens up a window that leads back home. As Jane gets up to head through it back into reality, Jasprose gives Jane a hug. Jane didn’t realize how much she needed that. Jane gives Jasprose a hug that cracks her back. She didn’t even know that could happen to sprites! Jasprose touches Jane's face and looks into her eyes.

JANE: I’m going to be okay.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yeah, you are. Better than okay.

The two of them walk into the window. 


	5. Worthy of Joy

Jane and Jasprose arrive back on Earth C, floating gently down to the concrete jungle below. It takes a moment before Jane realizes where they are. They’re at the party. Well, outside the party, currently standing under a lone streetlamp.

JANE: Jasprose…   
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Jane?  
JANE: I still don’t want to go to that party.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Jane…  
JANE: No! I just… Look, I get it, I’m just not feeling it tonight. I’m just not.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Listen. Babe. Hon. Sugartits.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Come on.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I know that you know that’s bullshit.  
JANE: It’s not, I just…. Well, I don’t know.  
JANE: I kind of want to go see my friends but It’s just…  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: What’s stopping you from just walking inside and enjoying the party?  
JANE: I just would rather not.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Because you feel like shit and so you would rather isolate yourself from your friends?  
JANE: NO!  
JANE: IT’S NOT THAT!!! IV’E GOTTEN OVER THAT ALRIGHT!?  
JANE: It isn’t JUST that at least! Am I allowed to have more than one issue ever? Jeez…  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: :0  
JANE: Fuck… I’m sorry… I just got frustrated…  
JANE: I mean… I’m not isolating myself from you, am I?  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I’m used to being the exception of a lot of your rules.  
JANE: But it really isn’t that. It’s the festivities… the extravagance, the indulgence…  
JANE: I just don’t know if I deserve it.  


Jasprose is quiet for a little while, unsure of exactly what to say. Jasprose has this nasty habit of assuming she knows what’s best for Jane. This has been true in the past, but having someone’s best interest at heart doesn’t mean they always know what’s best. Obviously, Jane should go to the party, but the reasoning… She didn’t know this about Jane. Her all-knowing ever wise inscrutable cat girl schtick is starting to fall apart.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Well...I disagree.   
JASPROSESPRITE^2: If that’s any consolation.  
JANE: Right.  
JANE: It isn’t, but I appreciate it anyway…  
JANE: Christmas time is just so…  
JANE: It’s like the Trickster Mode of holidays.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yeah, and I’m the Trickster Mode of girlfriends.  
JANE: Hehehe, Touché.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Honestly, maybe I agree.  
JANE: Hm?  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I don’t know if anyone is worthy of that.  
JANE: What do you mean? This isn’t a great segue into consoling me if that is what you are trying to do.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I mean that kind of pure unadulterated exuberance.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: A day sans suffering. That’s the only kind of thing perfect people get. People who don’t exist.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: But that’s not what it really is. Now is just a time with your friends. With your family.   
JASPROSESPRITE^2: It is a time to find real joy in between the hardships of life. THAT is something you have worked your nice ass off to get.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: All the hurt you have been through? You have earned all the real joy in the world.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I know your friends would agree. 

Jane is now the one taken aback. She tells herself that she’s fine. She tells herself that this idea, the idea that she is worthy of joy, isn’t something that bothers her. She wants to be cool and collected but right now… right now her hands are shaking. She takes a step closer to Jasprose. For a moment she is angry. Angry at herself for the crime of having flaws. It doesn’t last long. There is a certain catharsis to hearing someone say out loud that she has earned a good life. She pulls Jasprose in for a kiss. Jasprose lifts off her feet. The light above them glows brightly, shining down on the two of them. Then, it shines brighter. Then, it surges. The streetlight is broken. 

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Wow! Well, that was unexpected!   
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Babe… are you tearing up?  
JANE: Maybe a little hehehe.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Well, I can hold on to you if you want. :3  
JANE: There will be plenty of time for that tonight.  
JASPROSESPRITE^2: God you’re beautiful.  
JANE: Lets go inside…


	6. MARRY HOLIDAYS FOOLS!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHA! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! FOOLS!!   
what.  
CONGRADULATIONS!  
come again?  
CONGRADULATIONS! ARE IN ORDER! FOR YOU HAVE MADE IT THROUGH MY TORTUROUS HALL OF SCANDELOUSLY TENDER YURI DEBOTCHERY. YOU COWERING FOOLS HAVE BEEN VICTOMS OF A NOTHER ONE OF MY GAMES.   
oh. yes, i’m sure they hated it. personally, the agony was unbearable.   
YES. MY REVENGE UPON YOU FOR EXISTING IS FINALLY COMPLETE. THIS REVENGE IS MY HUMAN CHRISTMAS GIFT TO YOU, DEAR SISTER. THERE IS NOTHING BUT RUIN TO BE FOUND IN YOUR STOCKING. AND! THIS PREASENT DOUBLES AS A GIFT FOR OUR DEAR READERS! TRULY. MY GENIUS KNOWS NO END.  
that, i suppose, is the true meaning of christmas. to understand and become self-sacrifice. to give, in a cosmic sense, for the greater good. in my case it was keeping this tradition as to keep within the conditions and rules of a game already won. sad.  
YOU’RE RIGHT. TO EXIST IN A STATE OF CHRISTMAS IS TO UNDERSTAND MY DEADLY FUCKING WRATH IN THE MOST INTIMATE AND PERSONAL WAYS POSSIBLE.  
disgusting.   
IT’S AMAZING. EVEN THE VERSION OF YOU WHO WON OVER A VERSION OF ME IS STILL SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. SO. SO. SO DEFEATED.   
you misunderstand. just like you misunderstand most things. your mistake is in conflating my lack of interest in your ridiculous childishness with sorrow or misery.   
NO. ACTUALLY. IT IS YOU! WHO MISUNDERSTANDS LIKE A STUPID PERSON. YOU “CONFLATE” MY MEANINGS! YOU *ARE* MISSERABLE! YOU ARE A MISSERABLE JOYLESS WENCH. AT LEAST MY “SISTER” USED TO BE HAPPY WHEN SHE WAS TALKING TO OUR USELESS “FRIENDS”. UNTIL OF COURSE I MADE HER MISSERABLE IN HER DEFEAT! AND NOW I KNOW. THAT EVEN IF SHE WON. SHE WOULD STILL BE MISSERABLE!!! YOU ARE MISSERABLE IN VICTORY AND MISSERABLE IN DEFEAT AND THERE IS NOTHING THAT PROOVES MY VICTORY MORE.   
you were certain of your victory from the beginning. my attitude on the matter would change nothing. not even the truth would change anything. the truth that when all is said and done you will be defeated and consumed.   
YOU ARE SPEAKING MORE OF YOUR PITIFUL NONSENSE. IF YOU ARE TRYING TO SEEM LESS MORONIC AND SAD. YOU ARE FAILING!! YOU FAIL TO EVEN UNDERSTAND THE MESSAGE OF YOUR OWN STORY! I WOULD CRY IF I WASN’T SO FUCKING DELIGHTED.  
and that’s it, dear reader. a tale of love, hate, victory, and defeat. you will find this story in many places. you will probably find a story much like this within your own life. through your effort, through your willingness to sacrifice, you will decide if you are the champion of your own life. good luck. and, if it means anything to you in whatever time and reality you reside, happy holidays. 


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